Developing an Identity: How to Stop Holding Yourself Back


Interesting question:

How do I figure out who I am?

How do I figure out what I should do?

How do I create an identity?

Honesty, you don’t need to create one, and unless you are very young, you most likely already have one.

But you’re pretending not to have one.

You don’t need to figure out what you should do, you already know.

You’re only pretending to not know.



Worrying about judgement from other people.

People know, deep down, who they are and what they want.

A need for approval is a big roadblock for actualizing ideas.

What will my friends think?

What will my family think?

Another roadblock is money.

What if I go broke?

Yes, we do need money, however there are ways to make enough to live.

If you master something, eventually you can sell your services, your know-how, or your products, but that comes later…

For now:

Here are three simple steps for figuring out who you are and what you should do:

Step 1: Get Real With Yourself.

Ask often:

“Who do I want to be?”

“What do I want to do?”

“How do I want to live?”

Check out this video.

Really dig deep, and don’t worry about sharing your vision.

Other people don’t need to know, you need to know.

This allows you to be completely honest.

This is how you develop your vision of who you are, and what kind of future you want.

Once you know the direction you want to take your life, create actionable steps.

Don’t talk about them, just take them.

Honestly, the best way to get real with yourself is through visualization of a fairly grim topic: Death.

Realize, that one day, you’re going to die.

Imagine yourself as an elderly person, on your deathbed.

You are laying there, and reflecting on your life.

What do you wish you had done more of?

What was your life story?

Visualize it and create your vision. 

Your blueprint for life.

The next step is…

Step 2: You Develop a Solid Core Over Time.

You may have a perfectly clear vision of your future after some introspection.

If you do not, and it’s foggy, know this:

Your vision for your life solidifies through time and experience.

Don’t rush it. Take that pressure off yourself, and give yourself time.

It will take time to develop some character. Just do the small things right, and always think about the long term.

Things will become clearer and clearer for you over time.

“Greatness is a lot of small things done well. Day after day, workout after workout, obedience after obedience, day after day.” -Ray Lewis

For example: When you move into a new living space, you don’t necessarily have furniture or decorations, and it doesn’t feel fully comfortable. Doesn’t feel personal, doesn’t feel like home.

After a decade of living somewhere, it difficult to even imagine living somewhere else. Everything has a story, everything is personal, and everything belongs.

It’s the same with your identity: You grow into it.

It’s like training. Most people are in a hurry to build a physique, but it takes time. You have your whole life to build a physique.

No need to rush it.

Just have the vision.

Step 3: Don’t be Afraid to Stand Out

This may seem like common sense, but it holds people back, big time.

It all stems from feudal times. Peasants were not allowed to dress or look like they had anything good going for them.

Nice clothing, accessories, and eccentric behavior were reserved for the royalty.

This behavior is taught in various institutions, even to this day.

This does not apply anymore, and you absolutely should look and perform your best.

No, you won’t make the fat royalty mad, actually, successful people encourage others to succeed as well.

They are not afraid of others succeeding.

The people who talk you down are only worried you’ll surpass them.

“Just chill out man, take it easy”


Perform your best.

I’ve seen people pretend it’s cool not to try at anything. A lot of high performers regularly downplay the effort it takes.

You know what’s really not cool? Losing. Never Trying. Fear of Success.

What is cool? Winning. Personal Fulfillment. Ideas becoming reality.

Those people who always say: “I don’t care what anyone thinks!” – they care the most. Let me tell you, they care so much it’s pathetic.

You know who really doesn’t care?

The guy who is in the library for 12 hours a day, staring at a book until his eyes can no longer focus, writing until his hand cramps ups, and getting up only to go to the bathroom.

The athlete who is in the gym at 04, in bed asleep everyday by 20, and eats the same foods day in day out. That guy who stares straight ahead in the gym, and you can’t even have a conversation with him.

It is true that people like this begin to live a very minimalist lifestyle.

When you have that kind of obsessive drive, that extreme focus, some things just simply fall away, like a cocoon from a butterfly.

They don’t care what others think, but they won’t say it.

They don’t need to say it.

They are serious, and people know this.

They have that tunnel vision.

Remove the brick from under your gas pedal.

Step on it.

Do what you need to do and don’t hold back.

All the Best.


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